I got more votes than I did in 2016.

What's prison like? Am I gonna be safe?

National Security Secrets

I have obtained, from a secret country, a bunch of their secrets. May or may not include launch codes.

invisible plane

F-35 Tom Cruise Edition

These planes are invisible. You can't even see them. I got the schematics. Let's start the bidding at $1billion.

gourmet food

Molded Food Product

There are no bones in this sandwich. No bones. Is it magic? No it's a tippy top science. Willing to sell for and trade. If you take Eric I'll give you a McRib.

Really Terrific Products

This is a hand picked selection of the most exclusive Trump products.

Get Well Soon Don
Get Well Soon

Hydroxychloroquine Doll

I rarely wore a mask and never washed my hands. But still I got the China Virus. Thankfully, I have this doll that is, some say, people say, better and more stronger than Hydroxychloroquine.

Shroud of Trump t-shirt

Shroud of Trump

I fell asleep with this t-shirt on my face. When I woke up the shirt had the best, most amazing design ever. A favorite of the Proud Boys... whoever they are.


Bucket for Chicken

Some people say I have the best palette, the greatest taste buds of all time. This is what they say. I only know that I like to keep my food in my bucket. Now you can get a bucket too.

special bronzer
self care

Bronzer Sauce

As President I barely have time to play golf or get to my tanning bed. But I still need to look good and that's why I use a special bronzer sauce. It's made out of the most amazing stuff like no one's ever seen before.


Intimate Ivanka Facemask

That Fauci guy says we should wear facemasks. Well I only wear facemasks that Ivanka used to wear elsewhere. Eric tells me that he's he has stockpiled a massive collection.

A sale like nobody's ever seen before

It's a fact I'm the greatest president since Lincoln, since probably before Lincoln, since maybe Attila the Hun. But the liberal media is out to get me. So I'm gonna be out to get them by selling off a lot of my most valued possessions.

Never before in history have I offered up these most valued possessions of mine. Now I'm going to keep some of the best stuff for myself (Ivanka's old underwear) but other things only for you my exclusive members of Trump sale supporters. Act Now!

Make me a deal