National Security Secrets
I have obtained, from a secret country, a bunch of their secrets. May or may not include launch codes.
F-35 Tom Cruise Edition
These planes are invisible. You can't even see them. I got the schematics. Let's start the bidding at $1billion.
Molded Food Product
There are no bones in this sandwich. No bones. Is it magic? No it's a tippy top science. Willing to sell for and trade. If you take Eric I'll give you a McRib.
Really Terrific Products
This is a hand picked selection of the most exclusive Trump products.
Get Well Soon
I rarely wore a mask and never washed my hands. But still I got the China Virus. Thankfully, I have this doll that is, some say, people say, better and more stronger than
Shroud of Trump
I fell asleep with this t-shirt on my face. When I woke up the shirt had the best, most amazing design ever. A favorite of the Proud Boys... whoever they are.
Bucket for Chicken
Some people say I have the best palette, the greatest taste buds of all time. This is what they say. I only know that I like to keep my food in my bucket. Now you can get a bucket too.
As President I barely have time to play golf or get to my tanning bed. But I still need to look good and that's why I use a special bronzer sauce. It's made out of the most amazing stuff like no one's ever seen before.
Intimate Ivanka Facemask
That Fauci guy says we should wear facemasks. Well I only wear facemasks that Ivanka used to wear elsewhere. Eric tells me that he's he has stockpiled a massive collection.
A sale like nobody's ever seen before
It's a fact I'm the greatest president since Lincoln, since probably before Lincoln, since maybe Attila the Hun. But the liberal media is out to get me. So I'm gonna be out to get them by selling off a lot of my most valued possessions.
Never before in history have I offered up these most valued possessions of mine. Now I'm going to keep some of the best stuff for myself (Ivanka's old underwear) but other things only for you my exclusive members of Trump sale supporters. Act Now!